Recovery Day 2

I'm feeling alright today. The bleeding has picked up a bit, and this morning I woke up the crampiest I've been yet. I took some of the narcotic painkillers, downed a bowl of cereal and half a dairy-free cookie and then took my antibiotic. Felt better shortly after.

I did bleed on the comforter last night, which is a bummer. It's in the dryer now, so we'll keep our fingers crossed that the cold water and detergent has done the trick!

Yesterday evening was tough. My boyfriend and I had a huge argument--one of those fights that escalates into a hysterical, out-of-control place. We both said some terrible things, dredging up our deepest issues.

At the heart of the problem was that yesterday we needed very different things, and neither of us delivered to the other. I, feeling raw emotionally and not-at-my-best physically, wanted attention and support. Lots of it, too.

My boyfriend, whose work and freelance schedule is out of control right now, wanted space to process his feelings and his stress.

Obviously, these two things don't exactly work together, and we wound up at each other's throats. It was extremely upsetting, and honestly, it's indicative of part of why we chose to terminate the pregnancy. While we are crazy about one another, we don't know yet if we work as a partnership well enough to provide an emotionally-stable home to a child, let alone for ourselves. It was as if this fight was the proof we needed of that fact, in case we needed more proof.

We resolved the fight, acknowledging that we are different people with different needs, that we may need to be more direct with one another than we are used to in order to express our needs. Then, we crawled into bed together, exhausted and with our hands clasped together.

Here's the things about fights in relationships: They often are put to rest after a good talk with a fabulous session of make-up sex.

Obviously, that isn't an option for us right now.

(Warning: Sexually graphic content follows...)

So this morning, after I woke up and took my pills and we each had some breakfast and talked, my boyfriend and I found ourselves in a wildly passionate makeout session. The level of sexual frustration was enraging. Finally, I grabbed my tiny little wonderful vibrator (it's a Lelo Lily, and I'm happy to explain to any readers why it's worth the investment) and tried to pleasure myself while going down on him.

However, I got distracted with worry about whether orgasming would hurt my recovery and eventually gave up on a climax.

The funny thing is that I asked my head nurse after my laminaria insertion about this very issue, though obviously not directly enough. Our exchange went down something like this:

Me:   So, I know I can't have intercourse following the procedure, but is it possible to pleasure myself in other ways?
Nurse:   Oh, you don't want to put anything inside your vagina!
Me:   I know, but I don't---
Nurse:   No, no no. You don't want anything inside of there because if you get it infected, blah blah blah blah.
Me:   I know, but--
Nurse: It would be really bad to get an infection.
Me: I kn--
Nurse:  I think you can handle it.

She left the room at that point, turning off the lights behind her to let me curl up on my side and adjust to the laminaria and rest while my boyfriend held my hand.

Boyfriend:   You wanted to know if you could use your vibe, didn't you?


Anyone out there have experience with clitoral masturbation following a surgical abortion?!?

A quick cursory Google resulted in lots of Yahoo! (Questionable) Answers (Most Likely Answered by 16-Year-Old Girls) and one Iowa women's health clinic. The women's health clinic had this to say:

We recommend to our clients that they do not insert anything into their vagina after the abortion until after their three-week check-up. This is to prevent an infection. Having an orgasm doesn't do anything bad to you. However, if your masturbation involves inserting anything into the vagina, then you should stop doing that until after your check-up exam. If you can masturbate without inserting anything into the vagina, by stimulating the clitoris for instance, that is OK. Whether or not you insert anything in your vagina, it's very important that you go and get a check-up exam 2-3 weeks after your abortion. At that check-up your health care provider will make sure that you don't have any symptoms of an infection or any other complications. If you were to develop a complication, as long as it is taken care of promptly, the risk of permanent harm to your uterus (womb) is very low. Again, don't worry about orgasms themselves, they won't do anything to you. It's just how you get the orgasms that can cause problems. -Emma

UPDATE: Found this info on Ask Alice, which puts to rest any concerns I had about clitoral stimulation. Hooray, Lelo Lily!

Dear Alice,
I just want to know why is it, that after you get an abortion, you can't have sex for 2 or 3 weeks? My best friend got one, and she asked me if I could find out why, because she didn't ask; and she had sex, and it has only been a week today. So if you could email me, and tell me, that would be great!
Thank you!!!!
Cindy

Dear Cindy,
Your friend is lucky to have you to support her! After an abortion, which ends a pregnancy and removes tissues from the uterus, a woman's body needs 2 to 3 weeks to heal fully. After an abortion (or a miscarriage, or giving birth, for that matter) the tissues of the uterus and cervix may be more susceptible to infection for a period of time. Anything inserted into a woman's vagina while she is healing can expose the uterus and cervix to bacteria and/or other microorganisms that can cause infection. For the same reason, women are often advised to take showers rather than baths when healing. During this time, no penetration of any kind, including with tampons, sex toys, fingers, or douche, is recommended. And like your friend heard, women are encouraged to avoid vaginal sex, as well as receptive anal and oral sex.

Your friend likely has a follow-up medical visit scheduled between 2 to 4 weeks after the procedure. At the appointment, a health care provider will use sterile gloves and a speculum (if a pelvic exam is necessary) to check on the healing process. After the woman's health care provider gives her the okay, a woman can resume having sex and other penetrative activities.

Signs of infection include fever, chills, abdominal pain, and/or heavy vaginal discharge (though some women may experience abdominal cramps and vaginal bleeding without infection). A woman can expect her first regular period within six weeks of the abortion. If she notices signs of infection, or if she does not get her period within six weeks after the procedure, it's time for a visit to her health care provider. Students at Columbia can schedule a check-up with the provider who performed the abortion or with their primary care provider on campus; call x4-2284 or log on to Open Communicator to make an appointment.

In the meantime, a woman can have outercourse, give oral and/or manual sex to a partner, and even orgasm while she is healing from the abortion. If having an orgasm produces uncomfortable cramping sensations, however, she may decide to postpone this until she has finished healing.

Most women are able to get pregnant again almost immediately after an abortion, so if a woman chooses to have sex right away, and wants to avoid another pregnancy, she should consider what birth control method will serve her best. She also can use condoms (and dams or unlubed condoms for oral sex) in order to reduce the risk of infection during the healing period. However, health care providers strongly recommend that women wait until after the healing process has been completed before resuming penetration and having sex again

The links below might help answer any other questions your friend might have. Keep up the good work in being a supportive, informative friend!

Alice